Wednesday's Child

Friday, August 06, 2004


Yesterday in church I got the strangest feeling, joy. It was so beautiful, I got this funny feeling that all I wanted to do was thank God for everything and smile. Generally, I struggle to be joyful and thankful because I am so concentrated on how awful I am and how unworthy of God's love I am. It was so amazing. I loved it.

The thing about joy is that it is so beautifully simple, not like remorse which is confusion and sadness. Recently, I have come to realize how beautiful being simple can be. I would love to have that feeling of just loving God and being joyful. What is so attractive and stunning to me about simplicity is the lack of confusion that accompanies it. I want my life to be simple. I only want to have to worry about loving God and my neighbor, not about a multitude of other insignificant things that always seem so significant, but really aren't in the long run. For instance, I would love it if people didn't have to worry about money, where they live, the type of clothes they wear, what people think of them, where they go to school, and all those other material and worldly worries that tend to occupy people every waking moment of their lives. If all that I ever had to do was pray, love God and other people I would be so blissfully happy.

I feel the same way about education. Knowledge is a wonderful thing and comes from God, but I feel as though wisdom is more important and something to be valued far more than a degree. It is so much important to be a Godly person than anything else. It is all about perspective. I was talking to my priest the other day concerning where I should go to college and he said that wherever I go I will get a good enough education and that I should not sacrifice my spirituality and morality for something that will only better me in this life. God doesn't care about my level of edcuation, He cares about my heart and how hard I tried to become like Him. He is just so loving and beautiful and merciful that I am overcome and so utterly thankful. God is truly Joy.


  • Hannah,

    Your priest is right about choosing a college....try and pick one that will give you a well-rounded undergraduate experience; one that isn't simply vocational training.

    By Blogger Karl Thienes, at August 7, 2004 at 11:23 AM  

  • Christ is in our midst!
    Bless you ,Hannah.
    I,too,cry when I pray and struggle,sometimes, to maintain control in liturgy. How much morw blessed to just pray and be attentive and present to the reality of Liturgy and let what happens,happen. For me,I'm way too shy, which probably means too self centered and too worried about what others think. I think, though, that it is normal and quite O.K. not to want to make people uncomfortable or to be a huge distraction.
    I am much older than you are(40yrs.) and wandered way off track on a couple of occasions, but at 17 was much as you seem to be now. Hold tight to your faith, hang on on the dry ,dead times and above all find a spiritual father or mother you trust and can open your heart to.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at August 19, 2004 at 10:26 AM  

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