Wednesday's Child

Friday, September 03, 2004

Well I made it through my first week of college. But the struggle wasn't as much in that as in running into some old friends of mine from dance who I used to be very close with. These are the girls who I used to share all of my life with, every single aspect of my life was wrapped up with theirs. Then I quit dance. Now I never see these girls, these girls who I used to love so much (and still do, but in a different way).

Anyways, I got to talking with them, finding out what they had been up to (that type of thing). In terms of our society, they are fairly "successful," one of them is the current Miss HB, they are all "popular"(whatever that means) and beautiful. Yet there was an air about them that made me nervous and sad. I know that they drink and probably are a little licentious, but the truly sad thing is that they think that they are happy. They think that they are successful. But what really are these two things, happiness and success? They can be defined in so many ways. All I know is that they are so different than I am, I have nothing in common with them anymore, these girls who I used to share my whole life with. I know that once I walked away from them that they were talking about me, about how much weight I'd gained, how I am really not that pretty, how I am fake, and whatever else they feel like saying. But I don't care. Not about what they are saying about me, but about them. I really love them, I know that some part of them is beautiful, some part of them is still innocent. But even worse, I know that some part of them is empty. That is what makes me so sad. That is what makes my heart ache and my throat close up. I know that they have so much that is beautiful inside of them. I don't even know what to say anymore.........

It just makes me realize how much I need to pray, and how much I have failed them thus far in not praying as much and as sincerely as I could have. I'm sorry.

1 Comments:

  • It's a wonderful thing to have friends like the ones you describe, but IMHO, it's a much more wonderful and *precious* thing to be able to let them go in the way you describe. They'll have their own way to go -- they've made some choices and they're likely to make more, and if you're right (and sadly, I think you probably are) those will continue to take them further away from you in the ways that matter.

    It seems to me that, like Martha's sister Mary, you have "chosen the better portion". (I *think* that's the right wording. Don't tell your dad I wasn't sure!) Now they have their road to travel and you have yours. I sympathize with the sorrow of growing apart from friends, and with the mourning of knowing that people who were dear to you are making mistakes and you can't tell them because they wouldn't listen.

    But in having already figured out that things aren't the way they see them, you've shown discernment beyond your years. And in letting old friends go, you've shown grace. I don't know what you *look* like these days, but I'm betting I would much rather spend an hour with you than with them (even if I hadn't known you since you were just a wee one!)

    Grace
    a.k.a. Mrs. Brooks
    (I started going by my middle name a couple years ago. Send me an e-mail at graceb@west-third.com. I want to get caught up on all the stuff!)
    (BTW, I've been doing a blog for about a month http://orthodox-heterodox.blogspot.com And Greg's e-mail address is gregb@west-third.com)

    By Blogger Grace, at September 3, 2004 at 8:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home