Wednesday's Child

Thursday, November 11, 2004

This past weekend my family rented and watched the movie Mean Girls. Today I decided to watch it and it hit a little too close to home. Sadly, that movie could have been about me, except with people at dance instead of at school. I was like that. I was mean/bratty.

I started at my dance studio so naive, I thought that I was just going to be learning how to dance. How wrong I was! Instead, I encountered a group of girls who really wanted to be cool. They were very vicious. I remember on my first day there the teacher asked me to go in the second group so that I would know the combination for sure. The other girls in the class laughed when the teacher said this and I over heard two girls (who I later ended up befriending in a weird non-healthy way) say something to the effect of "Yeah, she better go in the second group, she looks kind of slow!" Being a sensitive kid I was barely able to hold back my tears till I got out of class. After that I just remember going home and crying myself to sleep.

Then I got so messed up. I wanted more than anything for everyone to like me; because of this I sacrificed who I was ( I used to be sweet) to fit in with this group of girls. At my studio, this particular group of girls was called "The Brat Pack." I became so selfish, bratty, and into drama that when I look at how I was I am so embarrassed. I remember so many times when we would get in fights at dance and have little go betweens who would send all our insults back and forth between parties. At any given time there were at least two or three girls who were fighting. How utterly ridiculous and completely saddening this is to think about. I can hardly imagine what my parents were thinking as they saw this transformation occuring in me.

I had to stop dance for a few months before I was able to see what a monster I had become. I thank God that He allowed me to see how far I had fallen. I have so many left over issues that I have to deal with now.

During that period I was able to distort who it is that I am supposed to be. I just have to go back now. I pretended to be someone else for so long that it is really hard for me to recognize who I really am.

For a long time I managed to convince myself that no one can really change, that they are forever the same. Then God let me know how foolish I am, how completely blind and fallen I am. Glory be to God!

I realize now that everything that I do in this life should serve to honor God. I know who I should live my life for. If nothing else, I give thanks for God's mercy. He truly does give sight to the blind.

Glory be to God in all things!

Something I liked from the movie...Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.



2 Comments:

  • Aw, I love you, Hannah! I'm sorry you had to go through these things. I guess I didn't really know you in that stage, but I am so glad to know you now. ah, I feel the love, do you? mmmmmmwa!

    Teen

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at November 12, 2004 at 1:43 AM  

  • Thanks Christeeny. I am so glad that you moved here, I am so lucky to know a person with such a beautiful and tender heart.

    By Blogger Hannah, at November 12, 2004 at 8:59 AM  

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