Wednesday's Child

Friday, January 07, 2005

The past few days I have been in a sort of daze and my head has been spinning so much. The craziness is setting in. There are days when I am so choked up with life and its pain that I feel physically sick from it all. At moments like that I almost come unglued, and sometimes I do. The world starts to spin and I lose my peace. Then I remember two things: I always can pray for help and God will answer me, and lighten up (what my priest always tells me to do). It really does work, I can deal with anything then, it may be hard and painful but I can get through whatever comes my way.

There are some days when I feel my demons working so hard on me. I can really feel them haunting me. It is so scary. On those days I just run and pray so hard. By the grace of God I am still hanging in there.

I really think that I am insane, but is this insanity or is it just struggling? I am alright with struggling because then at least I am fighting and trying to get closer to God. If it is insanity, well...I don't know.

Hannah, what is wrong with you?

Lord have mercy.

2 Comments:

  • Hannah...you aren't crazy.

    Everyone has hard times now and then. Just hang in there and life will get better for you eventually.

    Just be grateful for what you have now and try to focus less on the negative and the burdens of life. A positive attitude can be hard to achieve and maintain, but it's one of the more beneficial things you can do for yourself...besides praying of course.

    By Blogger Sean, at January 7, 2005 at 9:16 PM  

  • The good thing is knowing that if you're *worried* about going crazy, then you *aren't* going crazy. Serious. Truly crazy people aren't worried about it. (Think of the nutty street people. They ain't got no worries.) And even the people who turn out to be bi-polar or any of that don't think they're weird, they think everyone else is weird or out to get them.

    One of the most helpful bits of advice Fr. Mike ever gave me about the spiritual warfare: Never mind if you think you're muddy and bruised and can't hardly raise your sword. As long as you keep the sword in your hand, you're still fighting. And the angels will come and fight for you.

    Hang on, little tomato (as Pink Martini say).

    By Blogger Grace, at January 28, 2005 at 6:36 PM  

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